The Male makes the rules.

The Male is never wrong.

The rules are subject to change by the Male at any time without prior notification

No female can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted, and can result in serious bodily harm if attempted.

If the Male suspects that the Female may know some or all of the rules, he has the right to immediately change some or all of the rules, with prior notification.

If the Male is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding which was the direct result of vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Female said or did wrong.

The Female must must always apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the Male as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See above rule.

The Male may change his mind at any time for any reason or no reason at all .

The Female is never permitted to change her mind or under circumstances without the express written consent of the Male which is given only in cases where the Male wanted her to change her mind but gave no indication of that wish.

The Male has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in his sole judgement he deems appropriate. The Female is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the Male’s being angry or upset. The Male may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the Female is paying attention.

The Female must remain calm at all times, unless the Male wants her to be angry or upset. Under no circumstances may the Male give the Female any clue or indication whether or why he wants her to be angry or upset

The Female is expected to read the mind of the Male at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the Male

The Male may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the Female that she is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish

The Male may use his interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the Female has failed to accord him the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed on other Males, domestic pets or barnyard animals, Sporting events, Warships and Palaces. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable

If the Male is experiencing a hangover or has the grumps, the Male is permitted to exhibit any manner of behavior he wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior.

Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the Female is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the Male, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained. Begging the Male for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.

PLEASE NOTE: These rules are subject to change as the Male sees fit. All rules are null and void under the Hangover and dose of the grumps Exception Law. New rules apply during different stages of a Man’s life.